Shinderella
by Moczo
Summary: Co-written with RadiantBeam.  The Fate/Stay Night cast join to tell the heartwarming tale of Cinderella, starring Shinji as our noble hero, Rin as the Charming Pr- wait.  Go back to that last one.  Shinji?  The Hell?
1. Act I

Sir MOC of ZO

and

The Lady RADIANT of BEAM

Do PROUDLY PRESENT

Their SECOND collaborative WORK

For FREE DISTRIBUTION to all participating THEATRES

A work EXCEPTIONAL MERRIMENT and ASTOUNDING DRAMA

Suitable for ALL AUDIENCES

A TIGER DOJO PRODUCTION

_Shinderella_

_DRAMATIS PERSONAE_

Fujimura Taiga and Ilyasviel von Einzbern: The CREATIVE GENIUSES

Kirei Kotomine: The DRAMATIC NARRATOR

Shinji Matou: Our HERO(?)

Sakura Matou and Ayako Mitsuzuri: The WICKED (?) STEPSISTERS(?)

Zouken Matou: The WICKED (Extremely) GRANDFATHER

Shirou Emiya, Saber, Rider, and Gilgamesh: The HERO'S MOUSE (?) COMPANIONS

Caster: The FAIRY GODMOTHER

Rin Tohsaka: The NOBLE PRINCE

Archer: The ROYAL ADVISOR

Lancer: The DOG

Assassin: Sir NOT-APPEARING-IN-THIS-PLAY

* * *

[Scene: Matou Manor, ext. The voice of KOTOMINE KIREI speaks.]

KIREI: Once, long ago, in a faraway land that looked quite a lot like Fuyuki City due to budget limitations, there lived a family of magi. The Grandfather, Zouken, was a twisted, vile, corroded, hellish wreck of a human being.

ZOUKEN: … … … I don't even know why I'm doing this.

KIREI: The two daughters of the home were... wait, what is this? Are you sure?

TAIGA: Follow the script!

KIREI: Okay... they were... um... vain, selfish and lazy?

[Enter SAKURA, looking a vision of a domestic bliss as she carries a MAGNIFICENT PIE that she COOKED HERSELF to share with EVERYONE; and AYAKO, glowing with the effort of a recently completed WORKOUT like the kind she does EVERY DAY of her LIFE.]

KIREI: Wow. Fantastic casting.

ILYA: Cut the commentary, Captain Comedy. You're disrupting the _flow of genius_.

KIREI: I... see. In any event, there lived one other in this family; a poor, disadvantaged, yet intelligent, handsome, kind and charming young man by the name of... you can't be serious.

TAIGA: _Flow of genius! _

KIREI: [Pained Sigh] … by the name of Shinji.

[Enter SHINJI, having clearly just WOKEN UP at two in the AFTERNOON. He stops briefly to KICK A PUPPY. This was NOT in the SCRIPT.]

SHINJI: [Grumbles Incoherently]

KIREI: Each... each day, Shinji's horrible family would heap indignities and menial chores upon him, treating him like their slave.

SAKURA: Niiiii-san! Would you like some blackberry pie? It's still warm! And don't worry about your chores, I woke up early and did them.

TAIGA: [Rubbing her temples] Sakura, could you maybe try to be a little more... y'know, wicked?

SAKURA: [Blushing] Oh, I'm sorry! Um... I made you a fresh, warm pie... you... um... stupidhead?

TAIGA: [Deep Sigh]

SHINJI: [Grumbling] You people... I swear, it's always 'Shinji this' and 'Shinji that'. Can't I have a moment to myself?

SAKURA: Would you prefer cupcakes?

AYAKO: I... I'm not even related to these people, why am I...?

ZOUKEN: We needed two stepsisters.

AYAKO: Wouldn't it have made more sense to use Sakura's actual...

TAIGA: Your other option was playing the romantic lead opposite Shinji.

AYAKO: … I'm so happy to be a sister, tra la la la la!

SHINJI: Bitch.

KIREI: And so it went, day after day. The kind and gentle Shinji was trapped in this endless Hell. … Seriously? I mean, I can't be the only one who notices that Sakura as the protagonist would make a lot more sense if we're doing a Cindarella parod-

ILYA: _FLOW OF GENIUS! _

KIREI: … … oh, whatever, I'm just going to read.

[SHINJI'S family sits down to enjoy a home-cooked meal, abusing SHINJI by making him watch his SISTER do his CHORES. She WHISTLES while she works. It is ON-KEY.]

SHINJI: [Dramatic sigh] Oh, the pain I have suffered in my short life! I must stay here, in this cold, drafty house, being used as a slave by these cruel and vicious...

SAKURA: Nii-san, would you like a back rub? Or maybe a nice cup of cocoa?

TAIGA: _Wicked, Sakura. _

SAKURA: Would you like a... um... cup of... _wicked _cocoa? It will... _viciously _burn your tongue! If you drink it too fast.

TAIGA: [Repeated slams her FOREHEAD into the WALL.]

SHINJI: _You people constantly oppress me! _[Exits scene stage right, stopping to KICK that PUPPY once again. AYAKO picks it up to get it off the set.]

AYAKO: Christ, that guy is a bitch.

ZOUKEN: I still don't know why I'm here.

[SCENE: SHINJI'S room, int.]

KIREI: Exhausted from his... *snerk* labors, Shinji returned to his room, his one hiding place from the horrors of his everyday life.

SHINJI: Where did I put my porn...?

KIREI: [Shudders in REVULSION] He does know he's supposed to be acting, right...? Anyway! While Shinji's horrible family...

SAKURA: [From downstairs] Niiiiiii-san! I made you an ice-cream sundae, when you're hungry!

KIREI: … c-constantly... abused him... HAHAHAHAHA! While they constantly abused him, he did have one source of relief. His connection with all living things was loving and... wait, what about that puppy he was kicking?

TAIGA: _Flow. Of. Gen-_

KIREI: Right, right. Anyway, Shinji's only real friends were the mice that lived in his walls. … We don't have the budget for CGI mice. How are we going to have...

[Enter SABER, SHIROU, RIDER, and GILGAMESH. They are wearing FAKE MOUSE EARS. The overall effect is VERY CHEAP.]

KIREI: ... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

SABER: I fail to comprehend the meaning of this. We are clearly too large to be mice, and in fact had to open the door to get into this room. And Shinji is obviously not being abused, so...

SHIROU: [Whispering] Saber! Follow the script!

GILGAMESH: Step back, mongrel. You are not worthy to sully the King of Knights with your vile breath.

SABER: I prefer his presence to yours, frankly. Even Shinji is vaguely preferable if only for his tendency to divide his attention among _all _women rather than _just me_.

GILGAMESH: Who is 'Shinji'?

SHIROU: [LOUDLY, to cover the people who AREN'T BOTHERING TO ACT] Hi, Shinji! I'm sure you had a rough day, but don't worry, we're here to help you!

RIDER: I'm not here to help him.

GILGAMESH: No, really, who is this 'Shinji' person?

SABER: Nobody worth knowing frankly. [Sniffs the air] Did someone make pie? I haven't eaten since...

SHIROU: [EVEN LOUDER] _So, Shinji! Why don't you tell us what's_ _bothering you?_

SABER: Wait. Why is he talking to mice? Is it some magical power unique to the character or... you can't just _have this happen_. Some explanation is needed. If characters just start talking to mice, nobody will be able to follow it.

GILGAMESH: Come on, Saber... we're already _in _a bedroom, and I can see the way you look at me...

SHINJI: … We're right here, you know.

GILGAMESH: Have I met you before? You look familiar, like someone I'm about to kill for talking to me.

SHINJI: … _Anyway! _I am... depressed. Yes. Because I'm overworked. Abused. Oh, if only someday I could be taken away from this dreary existence...

SAKURA: [Off-stage] Niiiii-san! I have some clean sheets for you when you're ready for bed! I know you were supposed to clean them but I was in the laundry room anyway.

SHINJI: … if only I could be saved, free to live my own life...

AYAKO: [Off-stage] You know, if we're supposed to be wicked, I could just shoot him. I have a bow strapped to the back of my bike outside.

SHINJI: [No longer ACTING] _Save me! _[Hides behind SHIROU]

RIDER: [Smiling in a VAGUELY CREEPY manner] Heeeey, was that Ayako? In my house? And it's not even my birthday.

SHIROU: You _guys! _We have to band together to help Shinji!

GILGAMESH: Who?

RIDER: No, we don't. Now if you'll _excuse _me, I'm gonna go... um... discuss _archery_. [RIDER exits to find and most likely MOLEST AYAKO.]

SABER: How could _mice _possibly help anyone...?

SHIROU: We could help make him fantastic new clothes for the ball!

TAIGA: _Shirou! You're jumping too far ahead! _

ILYA: Onii-chan, really! Pay more attention to the flow of genius.

SHIROU: [Paralyzed by FLUBBED LINES]

KIREI: And just then, because Shirou Emiya screwed up, a messenger arrived at the door. Shinji was very intrigued, for visitors were rare and he was never allowed to speak to them. Curiosity and excitement nearly consumed his mind.

SHINJI: Meh.

KIREI: Shinji listened intently as his Wicked Grandfather spoke to the messenger.

[SILENCE]

KIREI: …... _As his Wicked Grandfather spoke to the messenger! _

[MORE SILENCE]

TAIGA: _Dammit, people, where's the Grandfather? _

[SCENE: ZOUKEN's chambers, int.]

ZOUKEN: Zzzzzzzzzzzzz... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

[SCENE: SHINJI's room.]

KIREI: … oh, screw it. By now I think everyone's figured out the idea, so let's speed this garbage along. The messenger that Zouken never bothered to let in was from the royal palace, letting people know about the royal ball for Prince Rin to find a bride. Shinji clearly wants to go, and as Shirou 'MASTER ACTOR' Emiya let us all know, the mice will make him clothes. Whoo-hoo.

SHINJI: Hey, I get to be royalty and live in luxury forever? I gotta say, I'm liking where this is... … … wait, 'bride'?

_INTERMISSION._


	2. Act II

ACT II

[Scene: Royal Palace, which looks SUSPICIOUSLY like the Einzbern Mansion, due to BUDGET LIMITATIONS. Enter RIN wearing PRINCELY GARMENTS. They actually look VERY ATTRACTIVE ON HER.]

KIREI: Even as Shinji pondered this strange invitation, Prince Rin was in a meeting with her primary royal adviser, Sir Archer, to plot her birthday celebration to find a bride.

RIN: I'mma kill whoever did the casting.

TAIGA: _**FLOW. OF. GENIUS.**_

RIN: Do not give me that garbage. Why the Hell am I the Prince? I should be a Princess, at the very least!

ARCHER: [Trying not to LAUGH.] W-well you know, they had to follow the fairy tale.

RIN: Cinderella's a dude! That's a pretty big deviation from the norm, chuckles.

ARCHER: Well, you're so dashing and manly...

[PRINCE RIN chooses to firmly drive her ELBOW into her royal adviser's SPINE. It still doesn't quite stop the LAUGHTER.]

ARCHER: H-ahahahaa! Owhohouch! Oh, have mercy, my great and royal p-prince! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

RIN: You are enjoying this way too much.

ARCHER: [Grinning like a FOOL.] I am. I admit it.

RIN: Oh, what_ever_. So what are we here to do?

KIREI: They were here to give some background on the kingdom and how Prince Rin's father had chosen to host a royal ball, inviting all eligible maidens in the land that Prince Rin might choose one to be his bride.

RIN: I am a _woman, _you ass.

KIREI: That is not what the script says.

RIN: I will straight-up stab you. Why the Hell would anyone cast me as a man looking for a bride?

[They did it because anyone who played the GAME saw that RIN had sexual tension with exactly one MAN and roughly twenty-four WOMEN. If we needed someone to OGLE eligible BACHELORETTES, she was the obvious CHOICE.]

RIN: Oh you can just go to _Hell, _stage directions.

KIREI: If we might continue?

RIN: Do I have a choice?

ILYA and TAIGA: _**LET THE GENIUS FLOW!**_

RIN: I hate my life.

ARCHER: I-in any event... your... your manliness...

RIN: I will strangle you_ with your own intestines._

ARCHER: The invitations have already been sent out. Soon, the ballroom will be filled to the brim with... with y-young ladies waiting to... to receive your m-manly seed, your ...

RIN: _Oh look. Story progression. Cut to the next scene while I find my knife._

[SCENE: Matou Manor, Int.]

SHINJI: I am _not _a girl, dammit!

KIREI: Didn't we just have this discussion? Er, I mean... Shinji, in his home, was trying to figure out what to do next. He desperately wanted to go to the ball like his step-sisters...

SHINJI: _No I don't!_

KIREI: … but knew that his wicked grandfather would never allow him to go.

ZOUKEN: I am supposed to care about what Shinji does? He can go off and date men if he wants to, I honestly stopped paying attention to him years ago.

SHINJI: … … … … that wasn't in the script, grandpa.

ZOUKEN: No. No it was not.

[The air in the MATOU MANSION became VERY AWKWARD. Enter SAKURA and AYAKO, to hopefully break the TENSION.]

AYAKO: Um... look, if you guys would listen, I am having a serious issue here... I... I am _really _confused about a lot of things, and... I...

TAIGA: So the script is basically just a suggestion to you people, then?

AYAKO: I... no, it's not the play, it's just there was this woman who... I don't know, and... I think I'm being stalked, but I don't really... I'm... do I _like _it, or... I don't know what to...

RIDER: [Pokes her head into the kitchen.] Tonight. _You_. [Exits.]

SAKURA: Oh look, invitations to the royal ball!

AYAKO: … … … I'm so scared...

SAKURA: [More LOUDLY] We should go, sister! Mayhaps we shall catch the prince's eye!

AYAKO: … wait, isn't the prince being played by your _real_ sist-

SAKURA: _I said the prince._

SHINJI: You know, this whole thing is getting a bit too weird for even me, so I think I'm just gonna stay h-

SAKURA: Oh, and nii-san can come too! Ooooooh, we can make him new _clothes!_

TAIGA: _Dammit, Sakura!_

SAKURA: I... mean... we can... buy him new clothes. How silly he'll look in store-bought formalwear at a royal ball! Everyone will laugh! [Attempts to laugh WICKEDLY but actually sounds like someone who is PLAYING IN A SUNLIT FIELD with a group of KITTENS. It is a very HEARTWARMING SOUND.]

ILYA: You know, sensei, I begin to wonder if maybe Kotomine didn't have a point about there being some casting errors...

TAIGA: _It will all come together! I swear it will all come together! Flow of genius, flow of genius!_

KIREI: Do I keep going, or...?

SHINJI: I'd really rather you didn't.

KIREI: So I do, then.

SHINJI: -

[SCENE: Shinji's room, int.]

KIREI: As Shinji's evil family conspired to... well, the script says they are conspiring to keep him from going to the ball, so let's go with that. As Shinji's evil family conspired to keep him from going to the ball, his friends the mice were making plans of their own, to help the poor boy find his true love.

SHIROU: Okay, everyone! We need to work together and help our best friend Shinji!

RIDER: [Uninterestedly] You have fun with that.

SABER: [Holding back GILGAMESH with one hand.] I am somewhat busy at the moment. And could we please hold this discussion in a room without a bed?

GILGAMESH: Your words, eyes, body language, and general attitude say 'no', but my hormones say 'yes', baby!

SABER: [Begins using BOTH HANDS]

SHIROU: I know! If we... if we all work together, we can sew up a wonderful outfit for Shinji to go to the ball! I bet he'll love it!

GILGAMESH: The seduction is beyond your power to resist, my future queen!

_SABER: Help!_

RIDER: I'm busy later with... stuff. You go right ahead, though.

SHIROU: … … So I'm doing this all myself, then. Great. Well, it's all right! I'm sure I can create a magnificent outfit by this evening... all by myself...

[He CAN'T.]

[SCENE: Matou attic, int. SHIROU, SHINJI, and what appears to be a LESS DIGNIFIED version of a CLOWN SUIT are present.]

SHIROU: … … … sorry, Shinji.

SHINJI: Eh, you gave it a good shot. Besides, I don't really want to _go_. Why won't anyone listen?

[Enter SAKURA]

SAKURA: …. oh, Nii-san, you want to go so much you're disguising yourself as a hobo to sneak in the back? You don't have to do _that_!

SHIROU: [Sullenly] It isn't _that _bad...

SAKURA: Now, you just give me a needle, and some thread, and we'll tuck it in a little bit _here _and a bit _there _and...

TAIGA: _Sakura_.

SAKURA: Hmmmmmmmm?

TAIGA: _Wicked_.

SAKURA: Um... good bye! [Exits]

SHIROU: Wait, this is Cinderella. Wasn't she supposed to tear up the outfit?

[SILENCE falls across the set. It is UNCOMFORTABLE.]

KIREI: As Sakura left Shinji behind with his outfit that was so awful it didn't need to be torn up...

SHIROU: Oh, _ha ha_.

KIREI: … Shinji began to despair of _ever _going to the ball and becoming a bride.

SHINJI: I don't want to... no. No, you know what? I hate you too much to argue anymore.

KIREI: But just then, a strange light filled the heavens, as if Shinji's tears were calling to...

SHINJI: I am _not crying_.

KIREI: … some sort of higher power. And in a beam of light descended his Fairie Godmot- wait, _who _is playing her? Oh, this should be fun.

CASTER: [Enters in a flash of sinister DARK LIGHT.] BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

ILYA: See what I mean about the casting? _That _is 'wicked step-sister' material, right there.

TAIGA: _FLOW OF GENIUS!_

CASTER: So, my child! What wish do you have of your Fairie Godmother? Dominion over all the nations of man? The wealth of a thousand sultans? The blood of your enemies flowing through the streets? Answer, and my dark powers shall make it so!

SHINJI: Well... I have my doubts about all of this 'ball' thing, but I guess if I get a wish, I _would _like to bang Rin Tohsaka.

CASTER: [Winces] Ugh. You... you're _sure _you wouldn't rather have the blood thing?

SHINJI: What is _that _supposed to mean?

CASTER: You're kinda asking a lot of me here.

SHINJI: You were offering me all the nations of the earth! How is this harder than that?

CASTER: Well, I mean... that _particular _girl... I don't really think you're her _type_, and... well, I mean... plenty of fish in the sea, really...

SHINJI: Spit it out!

CASTER: Quite frankly, I think she would take _me _before she took _you. _I've seen her, she would. Or really any girl. And then after exhausting _all_ of them, every woman in the entire world, she would still take very nearly any _guy _over you. She is so uninterested in you that each moment it creates millions of parallel universes in which she _doesn't _date you. She Is that clear enough?

SHINJI: … I don't follow you.

CASTER: … look, that whole 'nations of the earth' deal is still on the table. If we get started on that, we can have it done by next week! Nice, right? What say we get on that.

SHINJI: No! You know what? I _want _Rin Tohsaka! If you're my Faerie Godmother, you have to grant my wishes! You're a pretty lousy one if you can't even do _that_.

CASTER: [Sighs in frustration] All right. I'm not gonna lie to you: this is a bit darker than I like my arts. I might be able to pull it off... but be warned. We are corrupting and twisting the primal, sacred laws of the universe. What we unleash tonight will be _horror, _sheer unmitigated _horror_. An evil beyond man, god, or even demon. We seek the dark and twisted powers of the Elder Things, forces Man Was Not Meant To Know.

SHIROU: …Shinji? I think maybe you should reconsider this.

CASTER: Yes. Yes you should.

KIREI: Do it, boy. Release the darkness, let the _hate _flow through you, and let pain and _suffering _be your vanguard as the very fabric of the universe of...

TAIGA: Ah_-hem_.

KIREI: I mean... Shinji had made his wish, and his Fairy Godmother worked to fulfill it. Bibbity boo, or whatever. Magic.

CASTER: … fine. If you cannot be dissuaded, then we will work these black arts. But know that _you are to blame for the consequences of this night. _… … … also, it will take about twenty minutes, since I'm gonna need to c all in some back-up on this one and it will take us awhile to set up. Don't worry, he'll be here s- oh, there we go!

[A hole in the WORLD tears open and the screams of ANCIENT THINGS erupt from this WOUND IN REALITY. SHIROU and SHINJI have to LOOK AWAY lest they see things that man was NOT MEANT TO SEE.]

[ZERO CASTER enters]

CASTER: Hi! We need to get this guy a girl and... well, it's a rough one. Ready to roll up your sleeves?

ZERO CASTER: Now... now shall we rewrite the world... [Sinister chuckle, with the undertones of MADNESS clearly heard beneath it] Yes, yes! Transmutation! Art, with _flesh _as the clay to be sculpted! But for something to be changed, there must be an original form to be molded to my whims! Pumpkin, to become a coach. Mice, to become horses. Dog, to become _man_. And children. I shall need _children._

CASTER: So yes, then.

SHIROU: Um... W-what do you need the children for?

ZERO CASTER: Nothing special. [Smiles. Every FLOWER within FIVE MILES instantly WITHERS.]

CASTER: He really has a very solid reputation. Very hard worker.

[SABER enters]

SABER: Shirou! I finally managed to escape from Gilgamesh! It is so good to be away from psychotic, over-possessive stalkers for [Sees ZERO CASTER]... oh, _god dammit. _

___Intermission._


	3. Act III

ACT III

_[SCENE: The ROYAL PALACE that is definitely not the EINZBERN MANOR. A grand PARTY is in progress, featuring a wide assortment of EXTRAS who are most definitely NOT just HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS that were each offered EXTRA CREDIT by TAIGA to perform for FREE.] _

ARCHER: The lord Zouken Matou and his granddaughters!

RIN: Heeeeeeeello, hotness!

ARCHER: Rin, I know we joked about it, but you don't have to ogle every girl who walks in.

RIN: If I'm going to be prince, I'm going to enjoy it.

ARCHER: One of those girls is your sister, Rin.

RIN: Not in the play, she's not. [RIN stares at her SISTER with OPEN LUST, just in case anyone forgot that RADIANTBEAM is one of the CO-WRITERS.]

ARCHER: … wow, this is hard for me to find funny anymore.

RIN: Just keep on announcing, bitch.

ARCHER: The… wait, _what? _The… the… the lady? Shinji?

[Enter SHINJI, in a FLOWING PINK BALL GOWN. Its sparkling WOULD MAKE EDWARD CULLEN JEALOUS. He is followed by his RETINUE, who look as CONFUSED as even the people seeing this FOR THE FIRST TIME.]

CASTER: ... That's it? All you did was put a dress on him? After all that?

ZERO CASTER: Brilliant, isn't it? We save a ton on magic, and pass the savings on to future wishmakers.

CASTER: You really think Rin will fall for that?

ZERO CASTER: I'm sure she'll never notice. He has very feminine cheekbones.

SHIROU: But... but you needed all those children...

SABER: Shirou, for the love of all that is holy, _do not ask._

LANCER: This is garbage! It's act three and I don't get any lines? What happened to the big magic scene? I was supposed to get turned from a dog into a coachman, and you people just skipped over it!

TAIGA: Budget, admittedly, has some minor effect on the flow of genius.

ILYA: She spent most of the money on food and we had to ditch a lot of flashy effects.

TAIGA: _You hideous little traitor._

KIREI: I don't really have to do anything, anymore, do I? You people just narrate yourselves with stupid.

LANCER: I'm hitting the bar. Rider, you game?

RIDER: Actually, I heard Ayako is here so I'm going to go sta—er… find her.

RIN: Everyone, quiet!

[The room falls SILENT. The dashing PRINCE and the lovely LADY SHINJI lock eyes for the first time. The world IS STILL AND SOLEMN, in this one, PERFECT MOMENT.]

RIN: HHAHAHAHAHAHA! OHGODOHGODOHGOD!

SHINJI: … … 'She won't notice', huh?

ZERO CASTER: She might be laughing at something else.

[She ISN'T. She is laughing at SHINJI.]

CASTER: In her defense, it does look pretty ridiculous.

[SHINJI glares. CASTER glares back. SHINJI turns his gaze away in DEFEAT.]

SHINJI: So when I was _saying _how ridiculous it looks, all the way here, why didn't anyone listen?

ZERO CASTER: … … …

CASTER: … … …

SHIROU: I think it goes well with your eyes.

SHINJI: _I don't want to hear that from a mouse! _

SHIROU: The script says the mice are horses now.

ILYA: Maybe we could have gotten _real _horses for the play if _someone _hadn't insisted on premium steak for dinner _every night _and _drained the whole budget_.

TAIGA: I needed protein for my genius!

ILYA: You know? I'm starting to wonder if the Flow of Genius is a real thing.

TAIGA: … … … … … _Get out. _

ILYA: You can't kick me out! I wrote half the script!

TAIGA: You wrote the _stupid _half! _Stupid! _I denounce you! I cast you from the Genius Pool! Begone, traitor!

ILYA: … … … … _you will regret this_. [STORMS OFF]

ARCHER: This is going to have consequences later, isn't it?

RIN: Shhhhhh, I'm too busy laughing at Drag Queen Shinji.

ARCHER: … well I can't blame you. But maybe we should keep going with the play before something goes wrong.

RIN: … HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, Archer, that might be the first time you've actually told a funny joke.

ARCHER: Look. I just recognize patterns, alright? I think it's in our best interests to get this play _done _before Hurricane Ilya hits.

KIREI: As the Dashing Prince showed enough genre savvy to recognize that the play was a trainwreck, and Sir Archer shivered in fear of his sister, Shinji consulted his Fairie Godmother and her shady hired goon to determine what he should do next.

SHINJI: Dammit, people! This wish is not going as promised!

CASTER: I did warn you this was going to be a rough one.

ZERO CASTER: Jeaaaaaaaane... my Holy Maiden, I have come for you at laaaaaaast... … … I'm sorry, did you say something, young man?

CASTER: … though in your defense, I admit my back-up didn't work out quite as advertised. That one's on me.

SABER: Damn, he finally noticed me.

ZERO CASTER: I noticed you right from the beginning my beloved... I needed only to choose the moment to bask in your glory...

SABER: Please don't.

ZERO CASTER: Come, let the kiss of night envelop and corrupt your purity...

SABER: I miss Gilgamesh.

[GILGAMESH enters.]

GILGAMESH: So _this _is where you went!

SABER: _Son of a..._

SHIROU: You _guys_, the horses aren't supposed to talk.

SABER: Shirou, you are really not helping.

SHIROU: No, I am, actually. [To GILGAMESH] First, you. You haven't gotten a single line correct the entire play. Please stop it, you're being a poor actor.

GILGAMESH: Hold, boy. Acting? I am to be the star of a stage performance?

SHIROU: … … … you hadn't noticed? You're in a play right now. You're playing am mouse. Er, well, the mice have been turned into horses to pull the coach, but...

GILGAMESH: Heh, heh, heh... simple fool. The King is a _Master of Drama_. Behold, now, as I portray the _Ultimate Horse_, to the amazement of _all_. [Drops to ALL FOURS]. Neigh. Neigh. _BOW BEFORE THE HORSE KING_. Neigh.

SHIROU: …. … … right. [Turns to ZERO CASTER] As for you... first, you're not even in the script. Second, you're disrupting the cast. I'm going to have to ask you to leave the set.

ZERO CASTER: I would like to see you _make _me, brat.

SHIROU: … Fine. Then we'll have to work you into the play, won't we?

[SCENE: EINZBERN FOREST, covered in snow and mist. Oh, and WOLVES. Lots and lots of WOLVES. Did we mention those WOLVES? Because THIS FOREST has tons of WOLVES.]

CASTER ZERO: … … … … Oh dear. I didn't get a good part, I see.

WOLVES: [Howl]

[SCENE: The ROYAL PALACE]

SABER: [Stares at SHIROU in a NEW LIGHT]

SHIROU: … what? He wanted to be in the play.

RIN: Okay, wow. Um... everyone, don't piss off Emiya. [Forcibly removes her OGLING GAZE from SABER.]

ARCHER: In... any case... my prince...

RIN: Still not a guy.

ARCHER: We know not who this [Sound of choking, as if to STRANGLE LAUGHTER] fair damsel is. She... hee, hee, hee... was not on the invitation list. B-but... but... 'tis... 'tis only appropriate for... HAHAHA... for you to... to ask her for a dance! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

RIN: I am _not _dancing with Tranny Shinji!

ARCHER: Script.

RIN: [Casts a NERVOUS GLANCE at SHIROU] Erm... well, maybe... just _once_. As long as I get to wear gloves.

[She DOES.]

RIN: _Dammit_.

[RIN and SHINJI step to the DANCE FLOOR for their WALTZ of ROMANCE/HATRED. Mostly HATRED.]

RIN: All right, ground rules, drag queen. If my body is a globe, your hands stay above the equator. And so help me God, for every piece of innuendo you throw out, I will crush one of your bones.

SHINJI: Ooooh, I _knew _you were interested in _boning _me, T-

RIN: [Eyes GLOWING] _That is one. Immediately after the play, I will take your right index finger in my hand and I will snap it. I am dead serious. Would you like to continue? _

SHINJI: … we should just dance now.

RIN: _Congratulations. You are exactly one broken bone away from basic self-preservation skills. _

SHIROU: Oooh, I knew that!

KIREI: And so, the handsome Prince Rin and the beautiful and mysterious Lady Shinji...

SHINJI: I hate you and everything about you.

RIN: This is the first time I have ever thought Shinji was right about anything.

KIREI: … began their dance. It was a thing of elegance and beauty, a waltz for the ages.

SHINJI: Gaaaaaaaah! [SHINJI trips over the hem of his GOWN and accidentally slams his FOREHEAD into RIN'S FACE.]

KIREI: Or it would have been, if anyone had considered that Shinji probably can't dance in _men's _clothing, and so a dress and glass shoes are not going to work out well.

RIN: [Wiping BLOOD from her NOSE] You _slimy _little...!

SHINJI: I-it was an accident! I don't know how to dance in a dress, and...!

RIN: [PUNCHES Shinji in the FACE.]

[SHINJI is sent sprawling across the DANCE FLOOR.]

SHIROU: I'm... um. So... glad that our... beloved Shinji has... found true love?

ARCHER: HAHAHAHAHAHA...

SHIROU: You know, every time I start to think you're a good person, you just have to remind me I grow up to be a dick.

SHINJI: [Wiping the BLOOD from his FACE]. The Hell? I just _tripped_!

RIN: It _felt _deliberate on my _face_, you weasel!

SAKURA: Oh dear... nii-san, nee-san, don't fight, pl-

RIN: [Grabs SAKURA and begins to WALTZ]

SAKURA: [Rolls eyes] I knew thiswas coming eventually.

THE CAST: … … … …

SHINJI: Is this... is this hot, or weird?

[It is KIND OF BOTH.]

RIN: She's also a better dancer than you.

SHINJI: _Hey! _

[She IS.]

SHINJI: God, the stage directions have turned into a real ass this Act.

KIREI: As... Prince Rin danced with the Wicked Stepsister after punching Cinderella, and the other Wicked Stepsister was being methodically stalked by a mouse-turned horse, and the Horse King was trying to convince the partygoers to kneel before him and... and... wow. Just wow. I think this play has gotten to the point I can't even laugh at it anymore. My sense of humor has burned out.

ILYA: [Tugs on KIREI'S sleeve.]

KIREI: Hmmm? I thought you got kicked out.

ILYA: [Hands KIREI a REVISED SCRIPT, silently, and exits.]

KIREI: [Glances at the SCRIPT.] ... ... Actually, I _might _have a few chuckles left in me.

_Intermission_


	4. Act IV and Afterword

ACT IV

[SCENE: Still the ROYAL PALACE. The air is PAINFULLY OMINOUS since KIREI seems HAPPY. KIREI being HAPPY is a VERY BAD THING.]

KIREI: Now, where were we? Ah yes, the fine Prince had just punched out his lady love. Subtle, Rin dear.

RIN: Fuck you.

KIREI: In any event, things were not exactly their most romantic at the Royal Ball. Prince Rin was dancing with the wicked stepsister, while Lady Shinji tried to wiggle her tooth back into its socket. Also, for some reason, the horses who pulled the carriage chose to come into the ballroom. It was not exactly the magical evening Shinji had hoped for.

SHINJI: I actually just wanted to get laid. Though yes: not according to plan so far.

KIREI: And just when things were starting to look their worst, as if this would never be the romantic, beautiful night that Shinji had dreamed of all his life, a gigantic monster erupted into the room through the walls.

SHINJI: … … wait, that _really _doesn't sound like 'Cinderella' at a-

[BERSERKER enters. LOUDLY.]

RIN: _The Holy Hell? _

KIREI: Berserker leapt upon Prince Rin, scooping her up in his mighty arms to arrest him for treason, usurping the throne and palace for his own perverse ends. [BERSERKER proves himself one of the better actors in the PLAY by following the NARRATION EXACTLY.]

SHIROU: That wasn't in my copy of the script…

TAIGA: _It wasn't in any copy! _

KIREI: Oh, you didn't see the updates? [Holds up the script he was handed by ILYA. It looks SIMILAR to the copies passed to the rest of the cast, but the title is a bit different. It reads 'CINDERILYA'.]

ARCHER: Told you this was gonna be bad. Rin, you okay?

RIN: Eh, he's still gentler than Shinji.

SHINJI: _Oh, screw you_.

RIN: Not for all the gold in China, buddy.

[ILYA enters, wearing a dress that is basically identical to SHINJI'S.]

SHINJI: …You people are just doing this specifically to mock me at this point, eh?

[They ARE. Though ILYA does look MUCH BETTER IN THE DRESS.]

ILYA: Ah-hem! Ladies and gentlemen, please do not panic, the ball will continue as scheduled.

TAIGA:_ What are you doing to the genius?_

ILYA: Narrator?

KIREI: And then it turned out that there was actually a fourth sister, who was prettier and smarter than Shinji and thus more deserving of the main character status.

TAIGA: You did _not _turn my play into a _self-insert! _ And not even a well-written one! _And why is nobody stopping her?_

RIN: There's this really large guy telling me not to.

ARCHER: Rin is a bit hostaged at the moment, so…

LANCER: Oh, you mean I should be helping you, the one who cut all my scenes? Thanks for letting me know.

SHIROU: Well… the new script _does _say…

SABER: [Raiding the ROYAL BUFFET]

GILGAMESH: The Horse King does not concern himself with human political squabbles. He is above them. Neigh.

TAIGA: _You people are **useless**_**. **

ILYA: They take after their director. Narrator? Let's roll!

KIREI: And the lovely Ilya, being more politically aware than Shinji, was aware that Prince Rin had actually stolen the throne from her vastly more handsome and personable brother so that she could put together a harem of young ladies for her sex crimes.

RIN: … … … starting to not find this funny.

KIREI: And so, the pure-hearted and well-groomed Ilya made a wish upon her Fairy Godmonster to help the true prince return, so she could… *snerk*… Marry him.

ILYA: Onii-chan, that's your cue!

SHIROU: … but I'm a horse.

ILYA: No, no, the script is different, remember? I just didn't have enough copies for everyone, so trust me.

SHIRO: But...

ILYA: _Trust my flow of genius, Onii-chan._

TAIGA: _What about **my **flow of genius?_

ILYA: Your genius was stupid, and the narrator is on my side. We're trusting my genius! And now the prince marries Cinderella!

SHIROU: We get married in the play?

ILYA: ... sure. In the play. [Casts a SIGNIFICANT GLANCE at the ordained PRIEST who is cheerfully GOING ALONG with her plans because he is a DOUCHE.]

ARCHER: [Considers what MARRYING HIS SISTER will do to his PERSONAL TIMELINE] … ugh. That is… Ilya, we're going to have to talk about not thinking these things through… okay, people! I'm officially requesting we stop this, all right? Guys?

SABER: [Hasn't heard ONE WORD since she got to the BUFFET GRILL]

RIN: Still not in a great position to help!

BERSERKER: Grrrrrrrrr.

RIDER: Has anyone seen Ayako? She slipped away from me. But on the plus side? I got her skirt! [Holds up a SKIRT] It's my trophy, now.

TAIGA: All is ashes… my directorial debut is a fiasco… [Sobs incoherently]

ARCHER: …I'm going to have to solve this myself, huh?

RIN: Sooner rather than later, please!

[The Orchestra (ILYA has much better FUNDING than TAIGA) begins to play 'HERE COMES THE BRIDE'. Kindly old FATHER KOTOMINE stands ready to MARRY THE HAPPY COUPLE. SHIROU doesn't seem to realize this is not really a NORMAL PLAY.]

ARCHER: All right. Time to do this. Shirou Emiya… your power to alter the script is still weak. Let me show you the path ahead…

**_I am the wood of my stage…_**

**_Parchment is my body, ink is my blood…_**

**_Unknown to fame, nor known to critics. _**

**_I have penned over a thousand lines, _**

**_Yet these words will never be spoken by anyone._**

**_So, as I perform… Unlimited Play Works. _**

**[**FIRE and ASH fill the world. Before ARCHER, a gigantic BLANK SCRIPT emerges, and the LORD OF ALL QUILLS appears in his hand. He begins to WRITE, the WRITING that shapes the WORLD and all that is IN IT.]

ARCHER: All right… now I merely have to end the wedding, defeat Berserker, and get Shinji back into the heroine role for the finale. Shouldn't be too hard; I can think of several ways to achieve this while still maintaining fairly cohesive story structure.

LANCER: Or you could just screw with 'em for awhile.

ARCHER: Why would I…

LANCER: Because I'm bored and Rin is cute when she's pissed off?

ARCHER: … … … [SMILES. It is not, in fact, a GOOD SMILE.] And then, Lancer's spell wore off and he became a dog again.

[There is a puff of PLOT, and LANCER is replaced by a CHIHUAHUA.]

LANCER: Yipe, yipe! [His expression heavily implies this to be DOG-TALK for 'SCREW YOU'.]

ARCHER: Hey, you were the bored one. Noooooow… let's see. 'And then Rin escaped from Berserker…'

RIN: [Leaps free of the giant's arms, ready for combat.] All right, Archer! Time to…

ARCHER: '… by using the magical Kaleidostick she had hidden behind her back…'

RIN: … _You son of a bitch. _

ARCHER: "… to transform into Kaleido Ruby!'

[The world is filled with SPARKLING LIGHTS as RIN'S clothes dissolve. She SPINS AROUND in the air, a NEW OUTFIT appearing around her form piece by piece; an extremely EMBARASSING frilly red dress and CAT EARS. She is SMILING, but only because the STOCK FOOTAGE TRANSFORMATION SCENE requires it.]

RIN: _Archer I am going to murder you and then bring you back to life so I can murder you again. _

KIREI: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…

ILYA: Curse you, Rin! Your masterful distraction has halted the wedding!

SHIROU: I am so confused.

RIN: You know what? _Fine_. At least I have the stupid stick and the stupid magic, so I have more than enough power to _pound _this little tw-

ARCHER: 'Little did Prince Rin know, however, that Ilya had her own Kaleidostick!'

ILYA: Wait, wh- [STOCK FOOTAGE TRANSFORMATION SEQUENCE, go!]

RIN: _Whose side are you on? _

KIREI: Mine, apparently.

ARCHER: 'The two magical girls struck out at each other with all their power! Kaleido Ruby Hyper Meteor Beam Reverb! Prisma Ilya Pretty Sugar Chaos Flash!'

SHIROU: [Blinking at the EXPLOSIONS from the INVOLUNTARY BATTLE] This is the weirdest fairy tale I have _ever _seen.

ARCHER: 'Evenly matched, they called in allies!'

[LUVIA and MIYU EDELFELT enter.]

LUVIA: Wait, how did we…?

MIYU: I am sure I wasn't here five seconds ago.

ARCHER: 'It was a battle for the ages, full of sound and fury. Despite all they tried, Rin and Ilya were too evenly matched. More allies were called in, battle lines were drawn. It was a war sequence far too massive and filled with explosions for me to write it all out right at this moment, but trust me when I say it was visually stunning.'

[A WAR SEQUENCE OCCURS. It is VISUALLY STUNNING. … Use your IMAGINATION.]

[Our FORMER HERO, desperately out of his WEIGHT CLASS and fearing for his LIFE, chooses to HIDE UNDER A TABLE. He finds AYAKO there.]

AYAKO: Hey, Shinji. You hiding too?

SHINJI: Yeah, the world seems to be ending because Tohsaka's butler is an ass… where is the bottom half of your dress?

AYAKO: … I don't want to talk about it.

SHINJI: … … okay. So. Since we're here, you're already in your underwear and the world is ending…

AYAKO: I think I'm fine just dying, thanks.

[SAKURA and SHIROU dive beneath the table.]

SAKURA: Oooooh, hi there, nii-san! How did you enjoy the ball? You looked so pretty in your dress.

SHIROU: Sakura, is this really the time?

SAKURA: It's always the time to be polite, senpai. Besides, I think we have at least ten minutes until the story untangles, so I think it's good to spend it catching up.

SHINJI: Eh? Sakura, what does th-

SAKURA: Oh, what's happening is that Archer's forced overwriting of the play has taken us too far from the template of 'Cinderella' for this to be parody anymore. It's just a random mish-mash of junk now, and it's causing the story to come apart. If this battle isn't halted and returned to something close to the original storyline fairly soon, reality will shatter.

[The people hiding under the TABLE fall into utter SILENCE.]

SAKURA: What? I took 'Intro to World-Altering Plays' as an elective last semester.

SHIROU: So… if we can stop Archer from writing the play, this will snap back to a script that doesn't want us dead?

SHINJI: We could kill Emiya so Archer never existed!

SAKURA: Nii-san! That's rude.

SHINJI: Well, if you have a _better _idea, I'd love to hear i-

AYAKO: [Reaches out and BREAKS one of SHINJI'S FINGERS]

SHINJI: _GAAAAAAAAAAAH! OW! OH, GOD, THAT HURTS! GAAAAH! _

[A light fills the HEAVENS, as if SHINJI'S TEARS were calling to some HIGHER POWER. CASTER appears.]

RIN: [Hears the sound of AYAKO breaking SHINJI'S BONE'S even over the din of the war.] I think I'm in love.

CASTER: Um. Well. As much as I appreciate you sucking me back into Armageddon, I think I'm gonna head on out, so…

AYAKO: Hang on, sparky. You owe this maiden a wish, I think?

SHINJI: _Oh God my finger you psychotic bitch you broke my finger…_

CASTER: He got his wish! It was a good one, t-

SHIROU: I thought that other guy who I fed to wolves was saying you 'saved a lot of magic' by just dressing him up instead of finishing it?

CASTER: ….. I was hoping you hadn't heard that.

SAKURA: Are you _seriously _holding out on us when reality is collapsing?

CASTER: It was… y'know… a lot of magic. I was gonna magic myself a beach house in Maui.

AYAKO: No, you are _gonna _magic up Shinji's peaceful joyous maiden's wish, or I am seriously going to go just _absolutely batshit on your ass_! I have had a very _trying_ day, the universe is _ending_, and a crazy woman took my _pants_! _Do not test me!_

CASTER: All right, all right! Um… do you think I have to do the bibbity-bobbity-boo song, or maybe I should just…

SHIROU, SAKURA, and AYAKO: _JUST FIX THE DAMN UNIVERSE! _

[CASTER waves her arms, granting SHINJI'S WISH in the form of conjuring a LARGE HAMMER to crack ARCHER over the HEAD.

[With the OUTSIDE INFLUENCE removed, the SCRIPT begins trying to RE-ASSERT itself over the PSEUDO-REALITY created by ARCHER. Creation itself FOLDS, WARPS, TURNS INSIDE OUT, sits up and plays FETCH… ]

[Things.]

[Get.]

[Kinda.]

[Weird.]

[SCENE: Royal Palace. Reality.]

[The CAST looks around the ball-room. Nobody says anything for AWHILE, because seriously that was sorta OFF-PUTTING.]

SABER: Did anyone else try the fruit salad? The buffet had excellent fruit salad.

RIN: ….

ILYA: …

SHINJI: …..

SHIROU: … … … you know, the play is stupid and Fuji-nee isn't paying attention anymore anyway. We have food, we have a band, anyone else just want to call it wraps and have a party?

[They DO.]

[SAKURA and RIN had a good WALTZ going before everything went to HELL, and drop right back into it because even now, RADIANTBEAM is still CO-AUTHOR. SABER and ILYA drag SHIROU out onto the floor together, though it's likely that SABER will get the first dance seeing as she could BENCH-PRESS ILYA with ONE PINKIE. BERSERKER seems to be enjoying the BUFFET. AYAKO is dancing with RIDER, and the expression on her FACE makes it unclear if she WANTS TO BE. TAIGA, free from the STRESSES of being a BAD DIRECTOR, shows LANCER that she is pretty good at the TANGO. ARCHER and CASTER share a SLOW-DANCE while comparing notes on SCREWING REALITY.]

[ZERO CASTER is still outside with the WOLVES. Nobody bothers to check if he is still ALIVE.]

[GILGAMESH and SHINJI are ALONE AND FORGOTTEN in the CORNER.]

SHINJI: … hey, do you want to—

GILGAMESH: The Horse King dances not with mortals. Neigh.

SHINJI: … … … this ball sucked.

KIREI: And thus ends the tale of Shinderella. Or is this Cinderilya again? Or… whatever. The point is that the play has ended. Sadly, the world was not destroyed, but oddly everyone seems fine with that. And, well… I guess if the world had ended, there goes all potential for torment, so maybe it's for the best. Either way, I had fun, and that's really the only thing that matters.

[KIREI's sense of MORALITY is a bit OFF.]

KIREI: In any event, I think we can call the first Tiger Dojo production a resounding failure. Unless I'm mistaken we've caused a marked decrease on all joy in the universe... hopefully we can get enough funding together for a sequel and see if we can do more damage. Until then, those of the audience who survived… hopefully we'll get you next time. Adieu!

[CLOSE CURTAIN.]

**Afterword:  
**

[Composed from an ACTUAL CONVERSATION between MYSELF and BEAMS. Edited for FORMAT, but not for CONTENT. We are REALLY LIKE THIS.]

**Moczo** :Would you like to compose an afterword?

**RadiantBeam**: Sure. Where do we start?

**Moczo**: "What did we just write"?

**RadiantBeam**: If I remember correctly, this all started with a text conversation involving Gentleman Zouken.

**Moczo**: And then we just kept talking. First about Shinji needing to be a gentleman, then not going to the ball.

**RadiantBeam**: Somehow, the connection to Cinderella was made. In that, Shinji became Cinderella. In that, we knew if this was ever written, it would be a magnificent failure of a Cinderella parody. So we decided, what the hell?

**Moczo**: And actually, I think that was the fun of it. This isn't really a story, is it? It's kinda just us talking for 30 pages.

**RadiantBeam**: This is basically one of our many conversations, just with one cast of characters and a... plot?

**Moczo**: I like how you put a question mark after 'plot'. It _sorta _had a plot. We just didn't follow it.

**RadiantBeam**:... Parody is a plot, right?

**Moczo**: It started out having a plot. But I don't know if we really kept to the plot after the first chapter. We wrote so much of this on the fly.

**RadiantBeam**: I'm pretty sure we stayed true to the idea of making it a parody of Cinderella. Even though really, we kind of knew if we wanted to make it a straight parody, Sakura would have been more fitting. But that would have been boring.

**Moczo**:It wouldn't have been a parody. Just the cast of FSN doing Cinderella. And the title wouldn't have been as catchy.

**RadiantBeam**: Sakurella. Doesn't quite have the ring that Shinderella does.

**Moczo**: Sounds like a disease you get from uncooked fish.

**RadiantBeam**: And really, Sakura is funnier as the wicked stepsister who fails at being wicked.

**Moczo**: And since our first priority was having a fun conversation, and our second was making people laugh, we had to go with the funny choice.

**RadiantBeam**: So you all ended up with Shinderella. But hey, Sakura won in the end! ... Kind of.

**Moczo**: ... we should, probably like, give some actual thoughts before the afterword ends up as long as the story.

**RadiantBeam**:... Yeah. Maybe we have a bit _too _much fun, but hey, there's no reason to do stuff like this unless it's fun.

**Moczo**: And it was like... literarily significant, too! It was the first time I've written a script-format story. It was fun to experiment with that.

**RadiantBeam**: And I... um... I got better at humor? I don't really know. I did manage to sneak in some Sakura/Rin, though. I do that.

**Moczo**: You did get some really wonderful lines in there, I'll give you that. ... and does it count as 'sneaking' if you were blatantly attempting to write it in from day one?

**RadiantBeam**: At least I admit it.

**Moczo**: You do admit it. Often. Daily. ... your mind is just 'YuriYuriYuriYuriYuriYuri', isn't it?

**RadiantBeam**: ... If I said maybe sometimes?

**Moczo**: I would just sorta roll my eyes, because I'm so used to it at this point.

**RadiantBeam**: I suspected as much, to be honest. I still had more fun with this than I probably should have.

**Moczo**: That's because my presence is like, concentrated fun. I bring joy to all around me. ... also, this was a really amusing story to write in a lot of ways. But mostly me.

**RadiantBeam**: ... Should we be saying stuff like this in an afterword?

**Moczo**: I think the readers expect it from us at this point.

**RadiantBeam**: Point, point. In any event, I had fun, and I hope they all enjoyed the story. You?

**Moczo**: I had a blast. Writing this flowed more easily than anything else I've sat down to in ages, and I look forward to future collaboaration. It's only a matter of time, you know.

**RadiantBeam**: No, we're not giving any details.

**Moczo**: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!


End file.
